potentially irreversible?) But since you are are trying to connect two or more related independent clauses, you can still show its relation with the use of a semi-colon. examples "No one can disgrace us but ourselves" Josh Billings "Suppose they gave a war, and no one came?" (Notice I fail with that…). Otherwise, well done. With three sentences, I could tell you more. Best of all, the community here has tweaked good pitches into great ones! That information would help. 34 words, a bit longer than suggested but I’m not sure where to cut it down. When a timid entertainment lawyer accidentally kills a teen heart-throb (This is good). One of the things I like about Buffy is the way the show balances genuine horror with laugh-out-loud humour, a balance I am definitely going for in the novel. I’ve worked it over a bit. Thanks Jackie! Ran out of reply room … hopefully this will appear in the right place.
What about the one-sentence summary for non-fiction? This sounds intelligent, and that makes me desperately want to read it. Why now? Examples of Parallel Sentences. If she’s the keeper of the dead, does she enter the world of the living? I wouldn’t know if you’d call that “amusing” dialogue, it could be fine so long as it’s used right. Blessings! Wonder if you could replace “threatening everything” with something more specific?
Thanks for the suggestion. I had to read it twice and I didn’t quite know what you meant until I saw “priests and pastors” at the end of the sentence. The protagonist is the POV from which to work. P.J., I like your tagline suggestion, but let me condense it a bit more: Escaping years of spousal abuse, will Sarah Monroe allow a Navajo widower’s love to heal her heart or will her hidden secrets destroy them both? When a sociopath murders priests and pastors in Boston, a Jewish detective must delve into the elusive killer’s mind to stop the carnage. I like the navigation metaphor. Make people read the book to find out.
Andrew, in a high security prison, feigned insanity and was assigned to an insane asylum from which he broke out and headed for Darby and the Caldwells. Works for almost ANY book–keeps it simple and concise: “When (main character) (inciting incident), he (conflict). LOL, a little of both. (retypes for memory…). It’s perfect. To stop the evil machinations of a Gifted Scientist, a librarian hiding her own powerful gifts works to uncover the truth behind the killings, however will working with her unclaimed love proves to me be a trial that she can overcome? What Amelia discovers about her family is devastating. Can Victoria hide her pregnancy and find a husband before it’s too late? When a timid entertainment lawyer accidentally kills a teen heart-throb (This is good), and becomes the most hated man in the world (inflated phrase, could be cut or taken down a notch.). That actually sounds too romantic. She’s aiding the ghost in committing a murder? With the help of a unicorn with no horn and The Cat That Walks Alone, Wendy sets out to vanquish an evil sorcerer menacing Velanon. My two sentence logline is: Sixteen-year-old Skylar Benson has cystic fibrosis and one certainty: she’s going to die first. No one can disgrace us but ourselves. Just disregard what I said, since your logline obviously already worked. I like the “werewolf afraid of blood” concept! I’m glad that I could help R.A. Based on what you’ve written here, it sounds like writing two separated stories would be a mistake. (If this shows up in the wrong spot, blame it on my browser, it didn’t load the right reply button). I don’t know what a madness marathon is and what happens if the character fails to find the answers?
Independent Aurora has it all: beauty, brains, and a loving family. But, this is all just one persons’ opinion. Complete sentences may consist of a number of clauses, as long it has one main or independent clause present. I would suggest just a minor change: We’ll never measure up to the Pineterest-perfect life, but if we allow ourselves to, we can find freedom in our flaws and discover that our broken places are where the Light shines through. 6. The story is about West and how she handles her summer with the twins, grieving for and frustrated with one, falling in love with the other, and all while her “perfect” family life is falling apart. I assume the “new stable hand” is the one that caused the accident? . Your earlier statement made it sound like he was being coerced/forced to help. Sounds like a wonderful idea for a picture book! Killing other vampires? (It will definitely help if they know you well enough to not shrink away from saying anything that might offend you.) But she might just throw it all away to unmask the ghost next door. Alternately, you could insert what impels her now to convince the psychiatrist of her innocence.
So sorry for plastering this one about…ah, well.
For example, “The Clockwork Wizard’s heart is missing, and Wendy must find it to finish the story before the Land of Velanon sinks into the Story Beneath.” I love the verb “unravels” but I can’t picture how something can unravel into something else. How are they heroes?
Out of fear? And of course the plot is “evil”!!! Okay, that’s 2 sentences and 47 words, but I don’t see how I can condense it any more. . Vampire Kellan Donnolly, son of Simon the Apostle,must choose between saving his race from extinction or true love. I think you could make your hook stronger by making more of a connection between the memories of Eslan’s father and his being recruited to the school. “finds herself playing second fiddle” seems a bit passive. This type of sentence is considered to be a forceful, more expressive version of a declarative sentence. I love time travel books!
Maybe say, “…after being separated from him by a violent riot.” That way, you stay in the progressive tense throughout.
Sigh. And whoever else wants a go at it. He must enter the Realms and help others in desperate need. 66. This is kind of long and I threw it together kind of quick – forget the “kind of.” I had pitched the hell out of “Special” last year and have reworked some things, including several different approaches to the pitch and synopsis. LOL your first version had me thinking she was trekking alone! The only problem is that now you have a parallelism error at the end of the sentence. It sounds great! “. Run-on sentences happen when there are a lot of ideas that get fused into one single statement, when it can actually be broken into two or more. Wishing great things for everyone here, but I “gots to go.”. I posted my monster of a hook several days ago and have since whittled it down within normal parameters. Fighting for her sanity, a regional federal investigator of paranormal crimes delves into the world of dark magic to find her daughter’s killer. I just have one minor suggestion: Twenty-five year old Jessica Hartley goes undercover with a handsome local cop to save her hospitalized best friend from a maniacal co-worker and is surprised to discover love along the way.
Pitch what happens. Here’s my suggestion to make it a little tighter: “When Tarya’s family is killed by agents of Lord Falton, she must turn herself into a weapon to avenge the deaths of her family.”. The lack of magical ability is clearly a handicap in a society in which there are people with that gift, so I think it has to be explained – here – why the task falls to her. Meh, mine’s not great. I suspect that you were going for a music-resonant phrase when you used “second fiddle,” but I’m sure you can come up with one of your own. Hopefully it’ll help down the road. 4. Blessings on your next steps. J.M., your novel sounds intriguing and I would like to read it. Katie, I like the concept but I’m not clear on how her “reawakened sexuality” could result in her husband’s suicide. No one (or ma “A handful of scarred and bruised rebels band together to fight against a rogue cult leader.”, “A handful of scarred and bruised rebels must band together to fight a manipulative cult leader.”, “A handful of scarred and bruised rebels challenge a manipulative cult leader, risking their status and morals.”. What can you tell us, more specifically, about these two powerful forces and the characters through whom they are conveyed? When West encounters the mysterious Hart twins the summer before her senior year, she must learn to question love, family, and the nature of reality itself. “When he discovers the ring left to him belongs to the Dark Lord, a hobbit must take it to Mount Doom to destroy it.” Okay, it’s not the best. For example, if Tolkien had to write a logline for “The Lord of the Rings,” he wouldn’t write “When he discovers the ring left to him belongs to the Dark Lord Sauron, Frodo Baggins, a hobbit, must take it to Mount Doom to destroy it.” He’d write. Does that play into it vis-a-vis the other Traveler?
Many thanks for the help!
Not following punctuation rules can also result you in writing a run-on sentence. What it does: A one-sentence summary takes your complex book with multiple characters and plotlines and boils it down into a simple statement that can be quickly conveyed and understood, and generates interest in the book. Who is the protag of your story? What about “or face the destruction of both.” ? Just try and make sure you’re not to in your face with Appalachian dialect as that will irritate some people. I’m going to give the same advice I gave PJ — instead of a name, tell us something defining about Polly. I just hope that there are many people out there who will enjoy your work. This isn’t a pitch sentence. It might help, as well, if you named the prince and the galaxy. Does the man get caught?
I’m guessing what you actually mean is that she never expected to have to fight for survival, is that right? She spent the entire day studying for her upcoming Science exam. WEST VIRGINIA is going to come into its own in the literary world!!!
Choose from? If you want your words to make perfect sense for readers and listenersÂ to fully grasp, then you must learn how to differentiate a complete sentence from an incomplete sentence. I don’t know that we need to know yet that her daughter started the story, so if I am interpreting your pitch correctly and the conflict is that Wendy must find his heart and finish the story before Velanon unravels, then toss the daughter overboard and focus on Wendy. IfÂ you’re left hanging or feel as if there’s something missing from it, then it’s probably an incomplete sentence. Simple sentences have one subject and one verb or predicate. Generally, a complete sentence has most, if not all, of the following characteristics: A complete sentence must have a subject, which tells us “who” or “what” is being referred to, along with a predicate, which is the action of the subject. Not 25 sentences. A genius with amnesia pieces together his past while adjusting to life as the unscrupulous head of a billion-dollar company; a depressed coffee shop owner struggles to make something more of her life while coming to grips with a maze of disconcerting memories. I meant to mention that the new stable hand was the guy who caused the accident..yeah… Thanks! “Trent Williams, a young stock broker, uncovers a devious plan that Keith Larus, a megalomaniac CEO, concocted to bilk millions of dollars from unknowing investors – only to squander it on his lavish lifestyle. When the ten foot-high front porch light bulb of her parent’s house inexplicably burns out, Dorothy must overcome her fear of heights and her mother’s lack of incandescence in order to help Ray find his way home.
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